I know that haven't even begun to tell my story, but I'm not quite sure where to start. So, I want to think it over and decide where to begin before putting up a chaotic post of unorganized ramblings...which I assure will happen at some point anyway! =D Until then I'd like to start with where I'm at RIGHT NOW, the rest can wait.
I've only been on this path to recovery for a little over a week, so I'm sure you all will understand when I say there is so much going on in my head right now that I'm completely overwhelmed and having trouble trying to take everything in.
Long story...verrrryyyy short....I have been putting up with ED for over 5 years now, and ED tendencies for closer to 20. After much thought and support from those around me I have decided to give him the boot once and for all! I know he'll try to make many repeat appearances, where I will be extremely tempted to take him back, but have my mind made up and am determined to free myself of him. I'm ready to be ED free...and happy!
*As you can see, I refer to my eating disorder as ED. If you didn't gather already from the title of the blog this is the story of our breakup...haha That's the way I see it anyway. I'm in a very unhealthy relationship with ED and just like any unheathy relationship a breakup is definitely needed for me to move on with life and free myself from the chains he's so tightly wrapped around me.*
Like I said, after much encouragement from a very small circle of people, who know about ED and me, I finally decided to reach out for the help I have so desperately been needing and wanting for so long. I began by just doing a little research and reading, then turned to an AMAZING person who has also lived with and successfully kicked ED to the curb. I also confided in my best friend...who is soooo wonderful and gave me the final push I needed to know that I can't do this on my own.
I sent out a few emails and finally found a counselor/nutritionist, who specializes in eating disorders, in my area. I immediately contacted her and anxiously awaited her reply. We set an appointment for this last Tuesday. I met with her then and instantly felt a connection. She totally put me at ease, I felt 100% comfortable sharing with her and did not feel the need to hold back. After, our initial consultation I knew she was the right fit and decided to continue my recovery process with her.
Because of the risk/complexity involved in treating patients with ED I will not only be working with her, but an entire team of people. Sarah (the counseor) is going to work on the therapy portion of my recovery, whole Lori my Dr. will deal with the health aspects, and Molly will work with me on the nutrition portion (under the supervision of Sarah.)
Sarah first recommended that I enter a residential treatment center, but at the present time that is absolutely not an option for me. After discussing my options we agreed on trying an outpatient process where I will work with her and the aforementioned team on a weekly basis.
I feel like I'm getting ahead of myself...so many thoughts happening all at once! I'm going to slow down and jump into another post to give you just a small glimpse of what the last five days of treatment have been like for me.
*I promise this will all eventually begin to fall into place and be more organized and easier to follow! Hope I haven't lost your attention yet!